Short Story: A Lazy Summer a Long Time Ago

There was a point, early in the evening, maybe around six thirty, when they were all close to going home. This point would ring out in their memories, visualised as a road that split into two directions, of which they headed down the wrong one. They were sat, the five of them, in Rafael’s room. The sound of Rafael’s parents, washing the dishes, TV on in the background, drifted up to the room. They had no music on in Rafael’s room, no videogames, no movie. A sense of restlessness hung over them. Three weeks of summer were gone, three to go. Today was Sunday, the most restless day, the day people will do anything to forget themselves. Two of them sat on the top bunk, two on the sofa bed below, and Taylor sat on the floor, he being the first to say he might go home.

‘C’mon, what you gonna do at home?’ Kain said in a whine.

‘What we gonna do here?’ Taylor said, motioning around the room.

‘We could go to the park?’ Syd said.

‘Oh I’m sick of going to the fucking park’ Kain said.

Rafael interrupted him: ‘Stop swearing, man. My parents can hear you. I’m gonna get it after you leave.’

Kain just laughed. ‘What do you want to do?’ he said, looking at Mona.

Her voice was tired: ‘I might go home too.’

Taylor came in quick: ‘ I’ll walk back with you then.’

‘Aghhhhh no come on guys, stop being shit.’

‘Stop swearing.’

‘I know what we can do’ Kain yelled, full of energy. ‘We can go inside school. I know a way to get in, even when it’s locked up.’

‘How?’ Syd and Rafael said in unison.

Kain only tapped the side of his nose with one finger and fostered a smug grin.

‘How do we know you’re not bullshitting then?’ Taylor said. ‘We’ll get there and there won’t be a way in and you’ll say “Well we’re out now so we might as well find something  to do. Syd’s is only down the street.”’

‘I thought you were going home anyway gayboy’ Kain said. Syd laughed at this, and the others forced their faces into looking amused.

Taylor’s face looked like it was stuttering trying to think of a witty response, but he had nothing. ‘I’ll stay out if there’s something to do.’ A pause. ‘How do you know we can get in the school?’

‘Me and Dylan Farley broke the window in Mr. Deacon’s science class the last day of school. You can climb up to the window easy, just jump up from that little bit where the Year 11s line up.’ He had everyone’s attention now. ‘Me and Becky Harrigot went in through there the other day. We were runnin’ round the school. No one must have realised the window was broken.’ Kain had indeed broken the window the last day of school - but that he knew it was still broken, or that he’d been inside since, were lies. ‘C’mon, what else are we gonna do?’

They said nothing, only glanced around the room, catching eyes, making faint nods to one another, then all started to stand up. This seemed agreement enough and they headed downstairs where they collected their shoes and set off.

The school was a 20 minute walk from Rafael’s but they dawdled, their legs performing a slow shuffle as they searched for anything to entertain themselves on the way. They pushed an abandoned shopping trolley for a few streets, but when no one would get in it Syd, who had been its lead driver, pushed it over onto some grass. And they stopped half-way to watch Rafael climb a moderately-sized tree to prove that he could. It meant the walk there took around 40 minutes. Rafael and Mona walked ahead of the others: he seemed to know how to make her laugh, giving her fake insults, and she rewarded him by offering another piece of her gum every few minutes - Taylor’d noticed they’d been talking a lot today. He walked alongside Kain and Syd, only barely involved in their conversation about RuneScape.

Nighttime had begun to usher in above them, the sky a warm golden-brown, with rare watery-purple clouds in the far off distance, although none of them were old enough yet to appreciate the beauty in any of it. They passed through the empty summertime streets, the occasional dogwalker providing the only sign of life.

It was the Year 10’s and 11’s block - where they’d all start at when school resumed - which was the first school building to rear its head into view. It was the campus’s oldest, ugliest building. Upon sighting it they all started, unconsciously, to walk slower, their first doubts appearing as the reality, that they were about to try and break into the school, became clear. As they approached the school’s main gates (locked) Taylor was the first to announce his dissent, saying he’d wait outside while the others went in. ‘I could be a lookout. I’ll shout you guys if anyone goes inside. I’ll pretend I’m shouting my dog.’

‘Don’t be stupid, no one’s gonna go in, it’s summer’ Kain said. ‘And it’s nearly nighttime, there’s no one about. You’re just too yellow.’

‘No I’m not I just don’t wanna go in. All it is is a big empty building. I’m not good at climbing either.’

‘It’s not much of a climb’ Kain said.

‘You have to come in’ Mona said, the first thing she’d said to him since Rafael’s house. ‘Don’t you wanna be able to say you’ve been in the school while it’s shut? It’d be a cool story.’

‘Okay’ Taylor said, stretching out the word to make clear he was still unsure but was going in anyway. They continued their walk alongside the school. The gaps between the bars on the fence were too small for any of them to fit through, but they all knew how to get in anyway, despite none having ever been on campus during off-hours. They walked until they were on a narrow pathway, bordering the school and on the other side the fences of a housing estate; here one part of the school wall was smaller than the others, made of only a short wooden barrier, which they all jumped over. It lead to a small soiled gardening area, with nothing but half-grown weeds sticking out of it. This put them on higher ground from the school yard below - they jumped down, it being only a slow drop, Kain and Syd going first. It was Mona who hesitated now:

‘You sure this is a good idea? What if there are cameras?’

‘I can’t see any cameras’ Kain said. ‘I don’t remember them having any.’

Mona couldn’t remember there being any either and so jumped down, followed by the others. The air of the atmosphere on campus felt different, like they’d descended into a forbidden world or through the guarding walls of a closed-off city. They roamed through the younger kids’ yard, which had once been theirs, and through into the main quad at the centre of all the school’s buildings, and followed Kain towards the science block. Their eyes peered into windows, hoping (and failing) to find one with the blinds down; Taylor and Mona scanned the corners of all building tops in search of cameras, finding none - this happening at a time before such cameras were everywhere. As they travelled across campus they sped up, until they were running, sped up by a devilish, rebellious feeling that now gripped each of them. Kain lead them to the opposite side of campus where they’d gotten in.

All noise had vacated at the same time the students and teachers had, meaning even the tap of their footsteps felt like booms onto the earth. Kain lead the others into a small walled-in area that had, other than the walkway they used to get there, only one way to get out: a locked door. Kain pointed to the large bins that made up the entire contents of the walkway: ‘We’ll have to climb onto the roof off them.’

No one voiced any disagreement and so all started on the bins, Kain climbing up first. As he stood on top the bin slid a little, its wheels sensitive to the slightest touch, and his footing wobbled, forcing him to curve his knees to balance himself. ‘It’s fucking empty’ he said.

‘Well fucking duh, no one’s been in the school’ Rafael said. Kain gave him an angry look, then told everyone to grab hold of the bin to keep it steady, which they did as he pulled himself up onto the roof. Next went Syd. Then Mona. As she stood up on the bin Rafael, still with his hands steadying, gave it a shake. She screamed, and gave a uneasy look to the floor, ready to tumble. But the shake was light enough that she stayed standing. ‘Oh stop’ she blurted out, followed by a playful laugh. Taylor could feel his skin growing hot and clammy. Rafael motioned with his hands to show he’d stopped and let her climb up, then climbed up himself. Meaning Taylor was left to make the climb without any support. Despite this, he felt confident about his ascent; until he stood up on the bin and could feel how weightless it was. He made a whiny sound, involuntarily, while he struggled to balance himself, and heard sniggers coming from above. He felt as though four spotlights were shining down onto him, and knew he needed to get to the roof as quickly as possible, and so pushed his feet off with the strongest force he could manage. His body crashed into the side of the wall. His hands only barely clung themselves to the roof. The others were in hysterics; Syd, giving out a hearty laugh, came forward and took Taylor’s hand to pull him up. ‘Man you really crack me up’ Rafael said.

Still chuckling they started their walk along the roof, which was level with the school’s first floor, walking only for about a minute until Kain slowed to approach one of the windows. ‘I can’t remember exactly, but I’m pretty sure it’s this one.’ He knew for certain it was this window; he was preparing them for the window not opening. He gripped the window by its corners, as it had no outside handle, and pulled. Nothing. He looked to see the reaction of the others - they were still all facing him with blank expressions, waiting for something to happen. He tried again, this time pushing the window in. He heard a click. It opened. Kain grinned, his posture heightened, and he found it hard to suppress his surging feeling of relief. ‘See, what did I tell you guys?’

The window lead into one of the science rooms, a large one, big enough for a class of more than 30, with three long tables, chairs lined down them, with two gas handles on each table for lessons where they got to use the Bunsen burners. After climbing inside they stopped moving, for the first time since they’d gotten on campus, and debated what they would do. ‘I’m gonna take a piss in Mr. Elworpe’s room’ Syd said triumphantly.

‘Gross’ Mona whined.

‘Why?’ Kain said, directed at Syd, in the high pitched voice he always equipped when making fun of someone.

‘Because he’s a dick. He always yells at me in class for no reason. I dare one of you guys to take a shit in his room, in one of his drawers, and we can leave it there to fester until school starts again.’ They all burst out laughing, then Rafael interrupted:

‘Why don’t you take a shit in his room bigman? Your idea, you have to do it.’

‘I will then’ Syd said, defensive.  

‘Bet you don’t have the balls.’

‘Bet you I do.’

They all started towards the door, apart from Mona who stayed still and said, ‘I’ll wait here. I don’t wanna see that.’

Taylor stopped - his movement maybe a bit too abrupt, too obvious, he thought - and declared, ‘I’ll stay too, I don’t wanna see Syd take a shit.’ The others didn’t seem to notice and continued out the door.

The two stood at an awkward angle from each other, he nearly at the door and she by the table near the window, which neither made any effort to change, until Mona said: ‘You don’t have to stay you know. Just go with them, I’ll be fine. I don’t mind waiting on my own.’ Taylor heard the twang of pity in Mona’s voice, realising she probably thought he was staying because he felt sorry for her, or maybe - quite possibly - she just found being alone preferable to being alone with him. But even so he knew he had to stay. He replied:

‘I don’t want to. I’d rather stay here and keep you company’ he said. She gave him a smile and said:

‘So what do you want to do instead?’

His eyes roamed the room quickly. He needed to keep up whatever momentum he already had going - he needed to find something cooler than shitting in a teacher’s desk. ‘I’m sure we can find something.’ He began to stroll round the classroom. He went to the teacher’s desk and chucked some of the papers and booklets on the floor, dramatically arching his arm out as he did it - this made her laugh. Then he climbed up onto a table and did a strange jig, freestyling the whole thing, in imitation of what he imagined it was like being in a nightclub - after a few seconds she came up to join him.

She said, ‘I’ll give you a race who can jump to the other side the fastest without touching the floor.’

‘Alright… go’ he said, catching her off guard.

They jumped from one table to the next, to the next, and onto the desk that ran across the room’s opposite side. Even with his slight head start Taylor lost the race, losing it by enough Mona had time to stop, turn around and watch him make the final jump. He’d been more focused on not falling than on winning. She laughed and said, ‘You’re so clumsy. It’s cute though.’ Was cute a good or bad thing? Another thing he didn’t know.

Mona jumped onto the next table playfully, landing with ease, not racing anymore, then carefully planted herself back on the floor. Taylor climbed back to the floor too. There was, once again, a need for something to do. ‘Do you think these still work?’ he said, nodding towards the gas valves on the desk.

‘Find the Bunsen burners and find out’ she replied.

He did as told and scanned through the draws and cupboards which circled the room, but found none. As he worked through the last of them he began to search with a hunger, intuiting, for whatever reason, that any chance he had with Mona depended on it; and so, when it became likely no burners would appear, he donned a boyish smile, the best he could do, and turned on the valve nearest to him. The hiss of the gas came immediately, as did its faint smell. Dangerous and fine, that’s how it smelled. ‘Don’t do that, you’ll kill us’ Mona shrieked, although she was wearing a grin cheek-to-cheek.

‘Only messing’ he said, turning the valve back to where it had begun.

In a small room half-the-school away, Kain and Rafael were stood watching Syd, who was facing them, his pants down, with his arse facing the opposite wall. The room was crowded and windowless - Elworpe’s private office room. They’d pulled out the middle drawer of the desks by Elworpe’s computer and laid it on the floor. Rafael had ran to get toilet paper from the bogs at the end of the hall, which was waiting on the floor too. Syd was forcing out a shit he didn’t quite need, doing a strained face that was making the other two feel uncomfortable. After he’d emptied himself, all three burst into laughter, for no reason other than to push away all awkwardness from the atmosphere.

‘Well damn, I did not think you were gonna do that’ Rafael said, impressed.  

Kain started to undo his pants. ‘You’re taking a shit too?’ Syd asked.

‘No, I’m taking a piss.’ And he did so, filling the draw with a layer of bright green energy-drink-diluted piss, meshing with the shit that Syd had landed perfectly on the the middle of the drawer. ‘You haven’t done anything’ Kain said, meaning Rafael, ‘So it’s your job to put the drawer back.’

‘But you’ve just covered it in piss.’

‘I don’t care. It’s your turn. Do it.’ Kain said matter-of-factly, and he and Syd giggled at this, and their giggles grew into hysterics.

Rafael pulled his shirt up over his nose and gripped the drawer, his arms stretched wide so he could hold it from either end, careful not to touch any point in the middle. He made gagging noises as he picked it up. The piss swished with every step - even the slightest shake in his hands came close to spilling it over the sides; but he made it back, untouched aside from a few droplets, and placed the draw back in. A start-of-term gift for Mr. Elworpe. Upon completion of his task Rafael realised how quiet the room had become. He turned and saw Kain and Syd were statued in place, with panic on their faces. ‘What is it?’

Kain, his voice now quiet and throaty, said, ‘Camera’ and motioned with his fingers to some place behind him.

Rafael looked. Kain was right: there was a camera on the top corner of the room, were the walls met, directly facing the shit-drawer. ‘Do you think it’s turned on?’ Syd said.

Kain, seeming to speak to himself, said, ‘Fuck. When the fuck did this school get cameras?’

‘They didn’t have any outside’ Syd said. ‘I think it’s just this room. Maybe it’s Elworpe ‘s camera.’

‘If that’s the case it probably won’t be on’ Rafael said.

‘How come?’

Rafael: ‘Well if it’s his own camera he’s not gonna leave it on all summer. It’ll be for during school, to make sure no one comes in and steals shit from his room.’

The tension visibly released from Kain and Syd like air from a rogue balloon. Kain was sweating; he started to laugh, loudly: ‘Jesus, you were fucking scared, I thought you were gonna cry,’ looking at Syd.

‘Me? I thought you were gonna have a heart attack lad.’

‘Shut up’ Kain said, his face muscles growing tight.

Rafael ignored the quarrel and walked over to the camera. It was small, white-plastic, and looked a bit like a webcam with a wire protruding from the bottom that disappeared into the wall. It looked dormant to him as he approached it, but this changed once he was stood almost directly below. ‘Guys there’s a light on on it.’

They both silenced their bickering and hurried over: it was true, there was a green light on the camera, obscured from where they’d previously been standing by the lens.

Kain’s body squirmed and instantaneously returned to its sweat-covered state. ‘Fuck fuck fuck fuck’ he said, getting louder with each fuck. He rested down on one knee, head in hands, and tried to clear his head enough to think about what they’d do now.

‘Can’t we just smash the camera?’ Syd asked.

‘It depends where that wire leads’ Rafael said. ‘If it’s to another room in the school then… we’re screwed. The video’ll probably be saved somewhere. But if it’s connected to Elworpe’s computer then… then yeah we could smash it.’

Syd walked to the computer. He gagged at the smell already fermenting in the drawer. He opened up the desk and looked to the wires at the back of the computer: there was one heading into the wall. ‘Gotya’ he said cartoonishly. The others came over and looked.

‘That could be a broadband wire’ Rafael said.

‘Fuck it, we’ll pull it out anyway’ Kain said and lunged forward, gripping the wire, yanking it full force. An uncomfortable stretching sound came from behind the wall but the wire didn’t budge. Kain kept pulling - despite protests from the other two - until  they heard something snap.

‘Will you fucking stop it’ Rafael shouted.  Kain stopped, to Rafael’s surprise, and asked in a calm voice:

‘Why?’

‘Because you’re gonna get us in even more trouble. They’ll make us pay for the computer.’

Kain gave the wire one final triumphant yank and it snapped, very loud, from whatever it had been attached to and came through the wall. Kain smiled, held it up in his hand like a prized fish, and said, ‘Not now they won’t, because they won’t know who was in here.’

‘That does look like a broadband wire’ Syd said.

‘Motherfucker’ Kain yelled, slamming the wire-end off the desk so that it made a loud thud.

‘Let’s just trash the camera’ Syd said urgently, trying and failing to hide the unease in his voice.

‘I guess we’ll have to now’ Rafael said - who seemed sociopathically calm to the others, which, contrary to what one might imagine, was making them feel more panicked rather than less so.

They all began to close in on the camera.

Back in the science room Taylor and Mona had been making productive use of their time alone. They’d started out by changing all the buttons on the teacher’s keyboard to the furthest from QWERTY possible. They’d chewed through all the gum in Mona’s pocket - a full back minus four pieces - and placed a smidge on the base of every seat in the room. They’d taken the teacher’s chair, a spinning chair, and the same chair from next door’s room and raced them down the hallway; when this got boring they’d emptied out the cupboards and constructed - out of their findings - an obstacle course in the hallway, and then raced through that on the chairs. But Taylor kept returning to the gas handles, possibly because the idea of setting something on fire symbolised recklessness to him, and it had become an unexplained goal in his mind to appear as reckless as possible to Mona. He’d flip the valves on and off, then leave one on for a few seconds longer, backing away, and wait for Mona to tell him to turn it off - always in a laughing, non-commanding, voice - and he’d do so. All his attention was on Mona: he had entered a vacuum in which she was the only visible entity, and this is why - crucially - he didn’t notice when he left one gas valve leaking.

It was while raiding the last of the room’s cupboards for more obstacle-course materials that Taylor went through the teacher’s desk and found one lonely Bunsen burner. He set it up on the front table by cupping the tubing around the gas valve and turned it on. He then rotated the base of the burner, the temperature-dial, until the flame was ignited. He turned it until the flame was its tallest, at a cosy orange-yellow, then turned it the opposite way until the flame morphed to its smallest, coloured a violent, crisp blue.

He rested his hand a short distance above it and felt the ends of its heat. ‘Don’t burn yourself’ Mona said, sounding concerned.

‘I’m won’t. I was just seeing how hot it was’ he said.

She laughed. ‘There’s little sticks in that drawer there. Set them on fire instead of our hands.’

They walked over and together picked up all the small wooden sticks that lay in the drawer and lay them out on the table next to the flame. Taylor lit one first, then used it to light the stick in Mona’s hand. They lit a few, holding multiple at a time, the sticks long enough they wouldn’t burn through straight away. They struck out, wielding them like sorts, and Mona did a jig pretending to fire dance. ‘Let’s see how many we can do at once’ she said.

They began to light one after another, the fire reproducing, growing, until multiple burning sticks were balanced between each of their fingers. ‘Ahh’ Taylor shrieked, the heat reaching his hand, and he jolted, throwing the sticks on the table in front of him. The flames met the air and the air sizzled into a wall of fire, curdling around the nearby valve into a wave of glowing red. They both felt its heat on their skin. Neither could make sense of what had happened.  

They both made the most natural scared noises they had ever made and Mona instinctively blew out the fire-sticks in her hand. Both of them froze, their legs glued to the floor, both hoping the other would do something. ‘Turn off the gas’ Mona yelled, pointing, having figured it out.

Taylor scrambled towards the table. There was now a constant stream of fire coming from the valve, like the air had constructed its own Bunsen burner to fire out at the room. As he reached to turn it off, his hand met with the flame and he screeched and backed away, the entire of his body curved down facing the floor in pain.

‘For God’s sake’ Mona screamed and moved forward, turning the valve of successfully. The fire disappeared as if sucked back into the piping, but the fire had already caught onto the table (wooden) and the chairs (plastic - the thick burning smell  was already caught in their nostrils) and was growing quick enough that a few seconds later it latched onto the polystyrene ceiling tiles, which crisped like burning paper and passed the flame amongst themselves fast.

The room was greying, the face of the other blurring, stuffy smoke-filled air was multiplying through the room. ‘We need to get out of here’ she said, hurrying him towards the window.

Taylor coughed and wafted away smoke. ‘What about the others?’

‘I don’t know. They’ll find another way out. The fire alarm will come on soon and the sprinklers will put it out’ she slurred.

They both reached the window and climbed out. Once outside they heard a voice shout from behind them:

‘What the fuck’s going on here?’ It sounded like Kain. The two separated groups could barely see one another for the smoke in between them; a lot of shouting and fussing, mostly inaudible, came from inside.

‘Just come on’ Mona yelled at the window.  

The other three rushed out fast and they all headed down on the bin, all nearly toppling over in the process, but just making it due to how fast they were moving. From there they began to run across the campus in a reverse of the way they’d came. They made it only half way before realising something was wrong. The gates, of the school’s entrance were open and there was a car, lipstick red and old fashioned-looking, parked just inside. They stopped moving, trying to make sense of the pile up of bizarre events. ‘That definitely wasn’t there when we came in, was it?’ Syd said.

‘It wasn’t’ Kain confirmed.

They scanned the windows and the walkways, making sure the car’s owner wasn’t in sight. When they couldn’t see anyone they ran out of the gates. Rafael led the way, being the fastest runner, and took them into the area at the end of the street that was covered by trees and bushes. Once there they stopped and crouched down, doing this instinctively despite all wanting to get as far away as possible. There was total silence. There was a growing shadow of smoke visible, cascading upward, likely coming from the window where they’d gotten in. Still no fire alarm.

‘We need to go get whoever’s car that is, we need to get them out’ Taylor said.

‘He’s right.’ Mona’s whole body tilted towards the others, pleading with them.

‘But then when the police show up they’ll know we did it’ Kain said.

‘And they’ll get out once they realise there’s a fire’ Syd said.

‘We’ll say we were just walking past and we saw smoke’ Mona said. ‘Look, you can see smoke from here. We’ll say we were on our way to Syd’s and we saw it.’

‘I don’t understand why all the sprinklers and that haven’t went off’ Taylor said.

‘Well, we…’ Rafael trailed off, looking at the others, hoping someone would finish his sentence, but none did.

‘Well what?’ Mona said.

‘It was their idea’ Rafael said, motioning towards Kain and Syd, answering a question no one had asked him. Kain and Syd began denying whatever it was they’d been accused of, lifting their hands up in a show of innocence, accusing each other in words too fast for the others to understand.

‘What are you guys going on about?’ Mona asked, attempting to speed things along.

Kain answered: ‘It’s Syd’s fault, he’s the one who wanted to take a shit in a draw. He should explain, it’s his responsibility.’ Kain’s posture relaxed once he’d said this, his eyes less watery now, as if the act of saying the words out loud really did absolve him of all responsibility.

‘What the fuck?’ Syd said. ‘It’s not all my fault.’

‘Syd? Someone, explain’ Mona said.

‘Okay, okay’ Syd began. ‘We thought we were filmed doing the shit in Elworpe’s room so we found the fuse box and pulled them all out. That’s why there’s no fire alarm. It must have blew a fuse and caused the fire… I don’t know how it works… we all did it though it wasn’t just me.’

Taylor and Mona made sure not to look at each other; neither corrected Syd.

‘You guys are fucking idiots. You know how serious this is?’ Mona said, her voice mimicking her mother’s angry voice.  

‘Okay we fucked up, but we don’t have time to go through all this now, we need to get out of here’ Rafael said.

Behind them came a crashing sound, like a far-off explosion. It was unclear what it was - the fire reaching the gas works maybe? - but it was clear many windows had been taken out as the smoke cloud increased in size, forming into a dark venomous phantom likely visible even from the furthest corners of the town.

‘Let’s go’ someone said.

‘What about whoever’s car that is?’ someone else said, everything happening too fast now, their perceptions too delicate to even register who was saying what.

‘We can’t go in.’

‘We’ll burn to death... or get expelled.’

‘There might not be anyone in there. We don’t know.’

The sound of sirens was in the air now, getting louder.

‘Ughh fuck, I don’t know what to do.’

‘You guys can stay but I’m going.’

‘We need to make a pact, here, before we go. None of us ever tell anyone about this.’ This was Kain speaking now. He’d worked out the speech he was currently giving during the previous few minutes, aided by a lifetime of television shows and movies where the characters committed some sort of crime then said something similar to this. ‘We tell anyone who asks we went straight to Syd’s after we left Rafael’s. You said your parents aren’t in, right?’ Syd gave him a nod. ‘Good. We never tell anybody, okay? Not your brothers, not your grandkids when you’re older, nobody. Does everyone get that?’

They agreed, quickly nodding their heads up and down or muttering ‘yes’ in the most heartfelt way they could. Once this was clear Kain, Rafael and Syd were off, speed walking, receding into the distance then gone.

‘We should go back in, shouldn’t we?’ Taylor said.

‘Taylor I… I’m going back to mine. I don’t wanna get in trouble. I can’t have my family know I’m involved in this, I just can’t.’

‘But we are involved now’ Taylor said. As he said it he thought it sounded cool, like something from a movie, but Mona’s response didn’t confirm this for him like he hoped:

‘I can’t. I just don’t want to get in trouble. You’re not gonna tell anyone are you?’

He shook his head, his throat failing him. She ran in the same direction the others had run, not looking back at him.

His aloneness felt vast. The sirens were close now. The fire was tall enough to be visible, the smoke cloaking everything in front of him, the school only a vague outline.

Taylor focused on his breath, at the quick, deep ins and outs, calming himself the best he could. Whose car could it be? The caretaker maybe? She was a woman, and it looked like a woman’s car. It was illogical a person would open the gates to park inside only to go somewhere other than the school.

A siren, deafening, announced a fire-truck which pulled up inside the school gates. Firemen rushed out and towards the school. They didn’t see Taylor, or didn’t make it clear if they did. He looked behind himself: he could head out through the greenery into the next street if he wanted to, he’d be well hidden. But something stopped him. He watched the firemen. They opened the nearest door and smoke burst out like the unleashing of water from a flooded room.

It could be the caretaker, he thought. She was old, a haggard-looking woman, but nice, kind, the few times he’d talked to her. He’d never taken notice of which car she drove so he had no way to know for sure. He squinted to see in as far as he could. The smoke shrouded everything in the room visible through the open door - maybe even the fire had reached that far, but he wasn’t certain. He knew, logically, despite the lies and false hopes his mind was firing out as a defense mechanism, that a person who’d went through that door would have choked by now. Still he looked, waiting, hoping.

Sweat covered him so totally his skin felt uncomfortable, clammy. Time slowed. Every detail was magnified. Every gust of the smoke, each movement of the firemen, was made clear, significant. Taylor forgot himself, gave himself over to what he was watching. He realised, the thoughts as clear as anything that’d ever been in his head, that even if he and the others were never found out, he would remember this moment into old age. His other memories would fade and hollow but even as a sleepy, crippled grandad he’d always relive this moment as if it was forever yesterday. His mind knew this, as if it had been communicated to him by a higher power. He knew he’d go over this day again and again, like a play being rehearsed, and note every point where he could have turned back, or spoken up, done something different. His mind would strain to change the memory of this day, like a painter drawing over a first draft, but he knew this day was titanium, unbreakable, that he was powerless to bend reality into something he prefered. He watched them heave the body out, still smoldering, the clothes in tatters, the skin infected with blotches of red and black. The image bounded outward through time, through the years, into everything he’d ever do.